What Lies Behind

There is a civilization of isopods in my backyard. Little black bugs that look like one centimeter long alien armadillos. I have always called them potato bugs, but I think that may be a regional designation. Anyway, I've been familiar with these bugs for many a year, and have always had a pretty positive opinion of them because:

1) they don't bite me, and
2) they transform into armored spheres when threatened.

I still like them in principle, but there is something wrong about the batch living in my backyard. First off, there are too many. Growing up in a rural environment between my sixth and ninth years, I naturally found myself rooting around in the dirt fairly often, and in my rootings, would occasionally encounter said bugs. If memory serves, I would estimate about one potato bug per square meter. Maybe less.

Now, my current backyard really is a back "yard." It's small. The non concrete-covered portion is probably about 3 square meters. And we've got about 50 of the little squirming buggers. Moreover, these particular potato bugs are, well, retards. If you poke at one, flipping it over on its back, it will lay there, squiriming, probably until it dies. It might try to roll up into a ball, maybe, but it will fail. So. Not only is the bug failing to perform its primary defensive function, it also has no capability to right itself if on its back. Truly an embarrassment to all arthropods, everywhere.

I can only conclude that my wife and I have unwittingly created some kind of unnatural ecosystem behind our home. We have fostered a civilization populated solely by idiots and the mad. If you cannot count on a potato bug to transform itself into an armored ball, what can you count on? Nothing. How can I be sure these lunatic bugs will not begin to favor the taste of human flesh? Or start some kind of doomsday cult? Or develop a group mind? I can't be sure. I can't be sure of anything.