My Smell Can Kick Your Smell's Butt
Odors should not be combatted with stronger odors. I'm thinking this should be one of those things that people just know. Like knowing that open wounds are not best treated with a cheese grater or a fecal compress. It just isn't done.
Alas, this is not the case. People will continue to slather on perfumes and colognes to quickly deal with an augmenting body odor problem or other, more personal, self-image issues. I've talked about this before.
Moreover, some people (myself included) have been known to spray great quantities of air "freshener" about their dwellings in a vain attempt to mask the stench potpourri of Burger King, stale sweat, unwashed clothing, and proto-sentient carpet lice.
I don't know why I did it. I suppose I just thought it was simpler to buy a can of air freshener than to eat right, take showers, wash my clothes, and vacuum once in a while.
Anyway, I am brought to this line of thinking because the fans in my workplace bathroom have stopped working, and instead of fixing/replacing them, They have opted to install an automatic odor-sprayer, and fight stench with stench. Perhaps, like the 21-year-old me, it just seems simpler to Them.
The truly odd thing, though, is that They seem to be experimenting with the particular scent used in the combat. It started with something truly headache-inspiring that was vaguely Elizabeth Arden, then briefly moved to "Freshly Slain Pine", spent way too long with EXTREME! FRUIT!, and now seems to have settled on Play-Doh. Yes, I swear that's what it is. Essence of Play-Doh.
It actually seems to be doing a pretty good job hiding the Waste Odors of Man, but the psychological effect is disturbing. It reminds one of childhood, and of the joy of handling squishy, semi-solid masses. I'm afraid the recollection may cause some of the more "at-risk" members of the staff to break.
I just don't relish the thought of one day discovering our Marketing Director sitting on the bathroom floor shaping The Unthinkable into a small brown dog.
Alas, this is not the case. People will continue to slather on perfumes and colognes to quickly deal with an augmenting body odor problem or other, more personal, self-image issues. I've talked about this before.
Moreover, some people (myself included) have been known to spray great quantities of air "freshener" about their dwellings in a vain attempt to mask the stench potpourri of Burger King, stale sweat, unwashed clothing, and proto-sentient carpet lice.
I don't know why I did it. I suppose I just thought it was simpler to buy a can of air freshener than to eat right, take showers, wash my clothes, and vacuum once in a while.
Anyway, I am brought to this line of thinking because the fans in my workplace bathroom have stopped working, and instead of fixing/replacing them, They have opted to install an automatic odor-sprayer, and fight stench with stench. Perhaps, like the 21-year-old me, it just seems simpler to Them.
The truly odd thing, though, is that They seem to be experimenting with the particular scent used in the combat. It started with something truly headache-inspiring that was vaguely Elizabeth Arden, then briefly moved to "Freshly Slain Pine", spent way too long with EXTREME! FRUIT!, and now seems to have settled on Play-Doh. Yes, I swear that's what it is. Essence of Play-Doh.
It actually seems to be doing a pretty good job hiding the Waste Odors of Man, but the psychological effect is disturbing. It reminds one of childhood, and of the joy of handling squishy, semi-solid masses. I'm afraid the recollection may cause some of the more "at-risk" members of the staff to break.
I just don't relish the thought of one day discovering our Marketing Director sitting on the bathroom floor shaping The Unthinkable into a small brown dog.
posted by Dean at 10/26/2005 11:56:00 AM
3 Comments:
You're 21?
Nah, that's just how old I was when I sprayed air freshener everywhere to mask the prevailing odor of decay.
Now that I'm older and wiser, I use Febreze. Or I would, if my wife would let me.
oh man that is soooo gross...but funny :)
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