Kinetic Farming and You

For those of you currently looking for something larger than yourselves to fear or venerate, let me present myself.

No, no. Kidding. I can't know for certain that I'm bigger than you. Almost, but not for certain.

Anyway, let me really present my Theory of Cosmic Parasites. The TCP answers the universal query "Why am I here?" with "To power Their televisions." Them, of course, being the Cosmic Parasites in question.

Something advanced civilizations, people, or other Unclassified Entities always need are sources of power. We (humans) do. Right now we usually burn or blow things up to get it. Ideally what any power-seeking Thing wants is some kind of perpetual motion engine that spits out more X (energy, in this case) than you put into it.

So, naturally, I posit the existence of some kind of in- or semi-comprehensible being(s) that keep the Earth and its inhabitants from exploding or wasting away because the fidgetings of man are Their reactor. We wriggle, flop, flail, or walk, and They get a volt for their batteries.

I was brought to this line of thought because I was trying to figure out if I would get more electricity from strapping someone to a stationary bicycle generator (and forced them to pedal) than I would if I just drained (and stored) all of the electrical impulses from his body with some kind of death ray. It seems like I would get more from the bike. Plus, it would keep coming, if I kept feeding the rider. The food would cost some interpolated energy, but not much.

So, since we humans, in our infinitesimitude, are able to create a stationary bicycle that creates energy, why couldn't something more cosmic create a big blue marble that does the same thing?

So there you are. The Earth is the treadmill of the gods, and we are the hamsters.

At least, you know, that's what I would do if I was a cosmic being. Which I'm not.

No, really, I'm not.