Nightmare Podiatry

I really hate untrustworthy feet. I think everyone of standard bodily configuration operates under certain assumptions about the function of their feet. You think that they will sit patiently below our ankles until you need them to walk, run, or kick with, and won't complain about it. It's what they're there for, apart from keeping us from bleeding to death from open wounds at the end of our legs, but a thick scab would do that just as well.

My feet have begun to get uppity. If I don't use them for longer than say, an hour or two, and then decide I need to walk any distance at all, they scream at me. It feels like my bones had slowly been re-shaping themselves into another shape while I left them alone. When those bones are wrenched back into normal alignment, well, it doesn't feel good.

Apart from being subtly enraged at such a rebellion, I do wonder what shape my feet would ultimately take if I let the bone flow continue unmolested. I mean, if I was in a coma for several months, what would I wake to find my feet had become? I'm sure it would just be some meaty chaotic mass, but if I could be assured they would transform into something cool like eagle talons, I might just let things take their course.

Plus I would have an excuse just to lie around doing nothing. I can see it now.

Wife: "Honey, could you please get your butt out of bed and do something useful?"
Me: "Sorry, no. I need to stay off my feet. I'm becoming a miraculous bird-man."