Beeps From Beyond
I have reason to believe my refrigerator is posessed. It moans at odd hours of the night, shudders for no apparent visible reason, and bursts lightbulbs.
But what really convinces me is the beeping. It beeps incessantly. But not like alarm beeping. It's more like Morse code. It doesn't have the static repetition of automation. It will stop beeping for hours, and then suddenly start up again with a strange series of beeps for about 10 minutes, and then stop for two, and then start again. There really is no discernible pattern.
But here's the kicker. It isn't supposed to beep at all. When my wife called the manufacturer's repair people after a particularly annoying "talkative" period, the person on the phone told her that that particular model didn't beep. That it had no "beeper" at all, and tried to convince my wife that it was a fan squeaking. But we both know it isn't a fan. I know beeps, and these are clearly beeps. Beeps That Should Not Be.
I haven't actually buckled down and tried to translate the beeps (assuming it is Morse Code), as I'm scared of what I might find it saying.
"I. Hold. Potroast. That. Is. Six. Months. Old. It. Has. Begun. To. Breathe. And. I. Am. Afraid."
"So. Afraid."
But what really convinces me is the beeping. It beeps incessantly. But not like alarm beeping. It's more like Morse code. It doesn't have the static repetition of automation. It will stop beeping for hours, and then suddenly start up again with a strange series of beeps for about 10 minutes, and then stop for two, and then start again. There really is no discernible pattern.
But here's the kicker. It isn't supposed to beep at all. When my wife called the manufacturer's repair people after a particularly annoying "talkative" period, the person on the phone told her that that particular model didn't beep. That it had no "beeper" at all, and tried to convince my wife that it was a fan squeaking. But we both know it isn't a fan. I know beeps, and these are clearly beeps. Beeps That Should Not Be.
I haven't actually buckled down and tried to translate the beeps (assuming it is Morse Code), as I'm scared of what I might find it saying.
"I. Hold. Potroast. That. Is. Six. Months. Old. It. Has. Begun. To. Breathe. And. I. Am. Afraid."
"So. Afraid."
posted by Dean at 9/21/2005 11:09:00 AM
2 Comments:
This is all true. Possibly even the part about the pot roast.
I think this is no cause for real concern, just a small creature, probably a relative of the one who lives in your keyboard. And since you are so kind and merciful to him, you've got nothing to worry about.
Oh, wait.
Never mind.
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