The Sight Eater
My vision is fading. My physical vision, I mean. My vision of a future where man and beast work side by side under the steady hand of a benevolent insect overlord is as clear as crystal.
The human race's glorius destiny aside, I've been able to increase the acuity of my eyesight with glasses ever since I was about 17. I hesitate to say "I've worn glasses since I was 17" because, well, I really haven't regularly worn them until the last five years or so. Up until about age 28, I could get away with having bare eyeballs without any noticeable life-enjoyment penalty. I now wear them much more often, usually when driving or seeing a movie. Or if I care to see people's faces with any clarity. It hasn't really been a problem. I take them off (I have them off right now, for example) when doing "close" work.
But in the last several months, alas, I have noticed the characters on my computer screen begin to get blurry. At first I ignored it, explaining it away to my imagination or the sudden appearance of a strange ambient fog inside my office building. But the blurriness persisted, so I started doing experiments. I put on my glasses. Still blurry. I moved my head closer to the screen. Maybe clearer, but probably only because everything was subjectively huge. The edges were still blurry.
So I was confused as to what exactly was happening to my eyeballs, and was about to go back to the imagination/ambient fog theory when I suddenly sneezed. And everything became perfectly clear. And I still mean physically. No epiphanies, just clear vision. Every character on the screen was clearer than I think I had ever seen. I blinked. Still clear. I rubbed my eyes. Blurry again. And it stayed that way, no matter how much blinking or rubbing I did, until I sneezed again. After which, I enjoyed another oh-so-brief moment of clarity.
If anyone out there is a doctor or an ophthalmologist, I am soliciting theories as to why a nose explosion would clear up my vision. I'm thinking maybe a ghost lives in the vitreous fluids of my eye, and the sneeze scares it away for a while. Of course we all know that's ridiculous, since a ghost would live in our brain or sinus cavity, if it was going to live anywhere. Hence the theory solicitation. Because I just don't get it.
The human race's glorius destiny aside, I've been able to increase the acuity of my eyesight with glasses ever since I was about 17. I hesitate to say "I've worn glasses since I was 17" because, well, I really haven't regularly worn them until the last five years or so. Up until about age 28, I could get away with having bare eyeballs without any noticeable life-enjoyment penalty. I now wear them much more often, usually when driving or seeing a movie. Or if I care to see people's faces with any clarity. It hasn't really been a problem. I take them off (I have them off right now, for example) when doing "close" work.
But in the last several months, alas, I have noticed the characters on my computer screen begin to get blurry. At first I ignored it, explaining it away to my imagination or the sudden appearance of a strange ambient fog inside my office building. But the blurriness persisted, so I started doing experiments. I put on my glasses. Still blurry. I moved my head closer to the screen. Maybe clearer, but probably only because everything was subjectively huge. The edges were still blurry.
So I was confused as to what exactly was happening to my eyeballs, and was about to go back to the imagination/ambient fog theory when I suddenly sneezed. And everything became perfectly clear. And I still mean physically. No epiphanies, just clear vision. Every character on the screen was clearer than I think I had ever seen. I blinked. Still clear. I rubbed my eyes. Blurry again. And it stayed that way, no matter how much blinking or rubbing I did, until I sneezed again. After which, I enjoyed another oh-so-brief moment of clarity.
If anyone out there is a doctor or an ophthalmologist, I am soliciting theories as to why a nose explosion would clear up my vision. I'm thinking maybe a ghost lives in the vitreous fluids of my eye, and the sneeze scares it away for a while. Of course we all know that's ridiculous, since a ghost would live in our brain or sinus cavity, if it was going to live anywhere. Hence the theory solicitation. Because I just don't get it.
posted by Dean at 11/16/2005 11:30:00 AM
3 Comments:
What's living in my eye fluids if the sun always makes me sneeze?
That just means you have vampire blood in your ancestry. Nothing to be worried about.
I am not a doctor or an ophthalmologist, or even a psychiatrist, but I do have a very simple explanation for you temporary vision improvements. When you sneeze, it releases pressure that has built up in your skull. (Had any bad headaches lately?) As the pressure is released, it changes the shape of your eyeballs, bending the lenses and serendipitously improving your vision. Gradually, the pressure in your noggin builds up again, and your vision returns to its previous state.
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