Why I Live in a Cave
I have a brain disability.
Well, I probably have several, but the one troubling me currently has to do with cognitive thought and decision making. I consider myself a pretty clear thinker and efficient decision maker, but the evidence does not appear to bear this out.
If I am ever grudgingly stuck in a meeting, or an assembly of any kind, I usually let other people talk and defer any decision making to others. The sad truth is, in groups, my brain works at about 20% of normal capacity. The sadder truth is, most people tend to think better by discussing things with other people. I just don't.
One of my coworkers here often consults me about strange scripting (in the computer sense) dilemmas he has, and as I'm sitting there talking to him about it, I can offer absolutely no suggestions. Once I come back to my desk, alone, I come up with something almost immediately.
And so I get tagged as either an egotist or an antisocial bum, because I avoid groups at all costs, and when I do get trapped, I have nothing to offer. The other members of the group think I'm holding back, and because they're fairly sure I'm not retarded, I am deemed not to be a team player. Which is true, in its strictest sense. But it isn't because I don't want to be. It's because my brain slows to a stupor when other people are around.
It's like (since I haven't done an absurd metaphor in a while) living in a society where all business is done while eating the flesh of goats. The more goatflesh you eat, the more you are considered a useful member of society. But alas, I am allergic to goat meat. I can eat it, but it makes me sick, so I eat very little.
And so I am branded an outcast, and exiled by the town council to wander the waste places south of my village. One day I will be killed by scorpions in the deep desert, and no one will know to mourn my passing.
Oh no. People are coming to my desk.
Not think good no more. Bye.
Well, I probably have several, but the one troubling me currently has to do with cognitive thought and decision making. I consider myself a pretty clear thinker and efficient decision maker, but the evidence does not appear to bear this out.
If I am ever grudgingly stuck in a meeting, or an assembly of any kind, I usually let other people talk and defer any decision making to others. The sad truth is, in groups, my brain works at about 20% of normal capacity. The sadder truth is, most people tend to think better by discussing things with other people. I just don't.
One of my coworkers here often consults me about strange scripting (in the computer sense) dilemmas he has, and as I'm sitting there talking to him about it, I can offer absolutely no suggestions. Once I come back to my desk, alone, I come up with something almost immediately.
And so I get tagged as either an egotist or an antisocial bum, because I avoid groups at all costs, and when I do get trapped, I have nothing to offer. The other members of the group think I'm holding back, and because they're fairly sure I'm not retarded, I am deemed not to be a team player. Which is true, in its strictest sense. But it isn't because I don't want to be. It's because my brain slows to a stupor when other people are around.
It's like (since I haven't done an absurd metaphor in a while) living in a society where all business is done while eating the flesh of goats. The more goatflesh you eat, the more you are considered a useful member of society. But alas, I am allergic to goat meat. I can eat it, but it makes me sick, so I eat very little.
And so I am branded an outcast, and exiled by the town council to wander the waste places south of my village. One day I will be killed by scorpions in the deep desert, and no one will know to mourn my passing.
Oh no. People are coming to my desk.
Not think good no more. Bye.
posted by Dean at 11/03/2005 12:05:00 AM
2 Comments:
Better than those who are always commenting....WITHOUT thinking. I actually prefer the thinker-non-talker type. At least you don't have your size 14 in your mouth all the time....wearing goat skin shoes?
he's a size 15. seriously.
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