Lacerated Meatflaps and Dr. Zoom

Does it bother anyone else that there aren't tongue bandaids? Believe me, I've tried to put normal ones on whenever I get a wound on my talking tentacle, and they just don't stick. Even tightly wrapped gauze eventually slides off. And it tastes gross, besides.

But for a soft mass that spends its day dancing a hairs breadth from gnashing, dashing, and chopping teeth, you would think there would be more options for the curing of a mangled tongue beyond just bathing it in spit.

Obviously, there is either something regeneratively salamanderish about the tongue, or there are real remedies available to medical professionals, because most peoples' tongues aren't a mass of scar tissue.

I guess such ignorance is the price I pay for not going to medical school. That, and not having that handy amphetamine addiction that helps you get so much done. I mean, sleep is such a drag.

Ah, just kidding, mein Doktor Freunds, I know you're not all meth freaks.

Besides, there are so many tasty heart-attack energy beverages available now. Why risk the prison time when you can just get your jolt from the corner store?